Looking Back, Looking Forward

As usual, this time of year has me reliving the past.  10 years.  10 years!!  That just seems forever ago, and yet I can remember so much in so much detail that it takes my breath away.  Such a difficult balance sometimes for me to remember, because forgetting isn't an option, and not getting lost in those memories.  To look to the future.  Or even living in today.  Of course, time moves on no matter what, and boy do we have  a lot coming up in our lives. 
We have sold our house in Chandler and will be moving the first week of November to our new house in Gilbert (southeast side of Gilbert/Warner).  Moving to a whole other city sounds like a big deal but it's really just 5 miles away from the current house.  We've lived in this house a little over 12 years and, OMGosh, there is so much to pack!  The first 5 years of our marriage, we lived in 4 different places, so we seemed to be always purging things.  But 12 years in a house means that there were many times where things just got stuck in the attic or the shed.  Yikes!  We've gotten rid of some things, but since the new house is 1000 square feet bigger then what we have now, we're not getting rid of much.  Gotta fill some of that space somehow.  :) 
A few people have asked me what prompted the move, and more specifically, what prompted the increase in size of the home since there is just the 3 of us.  Well, it's mostly because we are hoping that sometime in the next year or so, we will be adding more people to our household.  No babies are coming, at least not from a conventional way, and likely they won't be babies.  In January, Brian and I will start classes that we hope will end in us adopting from the foster care system.  We are open to adopting a sibling set, and in our minds that meant two, but from the moment we talked to Tynan about it, he's been praying for 3 more kids.  When I asked him why 3, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Because we need more kids."  Soooo, yeah.  There's that.  We will see what God has in store. We are trusting Him in all of this.  We have seen His hand in so much of our lives, that we know that His plan will be perfect, no matter how crazy it seems to us at the time.  It always is. 
10 years ago, if you would have told me that we'd be where we are now, I would have said you were crazy.  10 years ago, I was selfishly thinking that Trevor would be our only child because being pregnant was just too hard on me.  I think that's one of many things that loosing Trevor did for me.  It showed me that however difficult, it's worth it.  Kids are worth it.  Tynan driving me nuts is worth it.  Being able to be a Mom to kids whose birth mom can't Mom them, is going to be worth it.  It's going to be hard, and often I think that I'm crazy for adding more craziness to our lives, but I know that God has brought us to this.  That there are kids that, while in His perfect plan would be with their birth parents, in this imperfect world, the most perfect thing would be for them to be with us.  I'm totally scared and totally excited. 
Please be praying for us in all of this.  Often, I find it difficult to pray coherently about what is going on in our lives.  The logistics of moving, Tynan in a new school, and the adoption process.  It can make my head spin, and I just find it so much easier to pray for others.  Thankful for those around us that pray and support us,  Thankful that the Spirit knows our prayers, and can make sense of our nonsense and stumbling over words, because boy do I stumble! 

In awe!

Tuesday morning edit:  
I wrote the following on Sunday but didn't really have the chance to post it.  Works out for me because I have something to add.  I love staff meeting days!  Most people would likely think that I'm crazy, but seriously, Cornerstone staff meeting are great.  We meet a couple times a month, and we start out each meeting with the question, "Where have we seen God working?"  It's always such a great part, but today was just what I needed.  Story after story after story of the cool and amazing things that God is doing in Cornerstone and around our city.   We know that we aren't the ones responsible, we can merely be the tools to make His work happen.  Boy, it is happening!  Then we get to pray in small groups for those requests that have been sent in as well as verbal ones that come up.  Then worship time together.  All that happens before we really get to "business".  Love being part of a staff that can laugh (and tease) and celebrate together as a group as well as lean on each other in the crazy times.  (And it's always crazy.)

Ok, and now for the post from Sunday. 

Today before the 10:35 service here at Cornerstone, I was struck again watching a crowd of a couple hundred people waiting in line for church, and watching people stream in from way out in the parking lot, and watching people waiting in line to check in and drop off their kids to classes. I just am floored. It's kinda hard to come to church here. Not hard in comparison to most of the world where it is truly hard to attend church, but it's an inconvenience. We live in such a convenience driven, give-it-to-me-now, fast food country that the fact that people will go through these inconveniences to come and hear the Word of God, it just floors me. God has given us the extreme honor of sending more and more people to this place. People who are just trying to figure out who Jesus is to the baby Christians, to those who have been followers for years and are seeking to serve Him more.  They just keep coming. Thank you God for this opportunity to be just the tiniest part of it. There is no human reason why they keep coming, I know it's only a miracle of You. Please keep our hearts and minds, my heart and mind continuously open to what You are doing in our church, our city, our country and our world. And I pray that I never loose the awe or get distracted by the busyness and the difficulty of working in ministry to notice the amazing work that You are doing.

A New Start

 

I don't often do New Years Resolutions.  Ok, I never do them.  Mostly because I feel that any day can be the start of a "new you" or new habit and that it doesn't matter what the calendar says.  You start when you are ready.  Today I am ready. I think.  So my "new me" item is starting on January 6th instead of the 1st.  I'm weird like that.
My goal for this year is that I want to write more.  And maybe even share a little.  Maybe once a week.  Maybe once a month.  Maybe sometimes daily.  I don't know.   But more for sure.  I write all the time--in my head.  Yet, I'm almost never brave enough to put it down on paper, let alone actually do it online and maybe hit the Publish button.  Someone might read it, and that is just scary.   I want this to be a different place for me to write, not just when I'm feeling down or things about Trevor.  I thought about starting a whole new site, but just feel a bit too lazy at the moment to do that, so for now, here it will stay. 
Why might I hit the Publish button at the end of this post, instead of just saving it for myself?  It's not like I will have something to say that hasn't been said before, I'm sure.  I'm just not that smart. Maybe it's because sometimes reading what another has written will remind me of a truth.  Maybe it's because sometimes reading what another has written will give me encouragement. Maybe it's because sometimes reading what another has written will help me understand that I'm not alone in my thoughts and my feelings. Who knows?  Maybe someone will actually like it.  So here's the start of something new.  More for me then for anyone else.  Working on a few posts already.